Sometimes you just have those days where you have to just sit around and bawl your eyes out. Rare they can and should be. It can be a song, a certain smell, or a special memory that brings it on so suddenly, and often times, in the worst place imaginable.
Luckily today's that day, when I have the comfort of my own home and no one to stare and think "What's wrong with her?" I can sit on my bed and cry till the tears run out. I can look through all of the pictures, all of the things that remind me of him, and I can just cry. I can cry until my sleeves are soaked with tears, my eyes are red, my cheeks are dried & stained, and I'm exhausted from sobbing. I can bawl my eyes out until I can't find my voice, so I sit in the silence and think. Afterward, you feel better, but not by much. You're still sad and it seems like it could go on forever, because you don't have the ability to forget. "What If...?" is constantly running through your mind, but that's all it is: "What If?" You can't change what happened, and nothing can be done. Then you think "He wouldn't want me to be sad." So you try your best to be happy and do exciting things, anything to get your mind off it. And it does work; for a little while anyways. Then you're back to being sad, and it goes on in a never ending cycle.
Although you can be sad & depressed some days, its rare when you're in that state where everything sucks and you just cry all day. And thank God they only happen occasionally because if you cried like this all the time, you'd be too tired and sad to do anything fun or happy at all.
Today's song is "Gotta Be Somebody" by Nickelback.
"Nobody wants to go it on their own and everyone wants to know they're not alone. You can't give up."
I'll be listening to this all day on repeat, and the sad feelings will pass.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
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